This is a common question when it comes to any sort of dating experience, whether online or off. We have all had that one relationship that just didn’t work out not because of anything that happened between us, but rather who we knew before we started dating her. While you cannot get around the fact that who you hang out with says a lot about you, you can change what it says. You should start with learning the right ways of picking up women and how to date online, before you start thinking about dating Canadian hotties. In the end, relationships that fail because of other friendships can tell us a lot about our friends we might not have known, and often a lot about the women that just might not work out in the long run. That is why, when it comes to online dating strategies, while there is no sure fire way to avoid this issue, there are ways to deal with it successfully.
Ask Her What the Problem is
We know this seems really straight forward, but we cannot tell you how many times this question has been asked and yet, no one ever asked her what about the friends she did not like. We swear there is a reason. Often she is not trying to vague, but to avoid insulting someone you have known a long time and obviously like and therefore avoid insulting you. It’s the same in British Columbia as it is in Los Angeles: she just feels uncomfortable. The key to fixing this situation is to find out why that is. If you ask her, she will tell you, but you really have to ask her and cajole it out of her, because she has been so conditioned to avoid this conversation that she will be more willing to just avoid contact with them all together. Avoiding the situation is not going to solve it, and while agreeing not to bring her into situations that she finds awkward or uncomfortable may be part of the eventual solution, completely avoiding the problem is not.
Often times, it’s not your friends, but one or two of them that she can’t get along with, or who make the situation unbearable. The rest either fail to do anything about it, or simply cannot and the friction continues. So when you are asking her for more information, make sure to walk through each person and ask her specifically who she does not like and why she cannot get along with them. While there are some situations you may have figured out ahead of time, a lot of the time what is awkward and uncomfortable to her is something we have never considered or noticed one of our friends doing. Keep an open mind here. We know how difficult it can be to sit and listen to what sounds like our friends just being completely put down without defending them, but if you start this conversation and force it to continue only to jump to their defense, you will be looking for more than just online dating strategies by the end of the night. No woman is going to take well to being asked for her opinion and then having that opinion completely stomped down and disregarded.
Be Willing to Work with Her
More than likely, there is going to be at least one of your friends that just creeps her out. Whether it is because they have never been around women all that much or they just don’t like her does not matter. Statistics say out of all the friends we keep, one has to be a creeper in some way. So if your girlfriend isn’t getting along with your friends and says she is uncomfortable and doesn’t want to go to places they will be, you need to be prepared to deal with the accusation that your friend is really just a jerk to women. It probably has nothing to do with you or the woman you are dating. Some guys just don’t get it and treat women pretty poorly. What you don’t want to do is make the mistake of asserting that you are not that guy and that he’s really a good man who just can’t handle his drink and likes women.
Most groups have a guy like this. Either he hasn’t gotten laid in a long time, or was never very good with women, or just considers himself a Casanova even when he clearly isn’t, this guy is making you and the rest of your friends look really bad. She doesn’t want to have anything to do with the rest of them because they are not stopping him from being inappropriate with her, her own requests have fallen on deaf ears, and you do not believe her. This is a recipe for disaster. We aren’t saying you have to take her word over someone you have known for longer than you have been dating her, but we are saying that you need to listen to her concerns. Women will be very blunt if you so that you are willing to listen. So when you ask for specifics and she tells you your friend Bob is always touching women and making them uncomfortable, just nod, tell her that you understand why that would make someone uncomfortable and consider having a chat with Bob.
The thing is, it could very likely be a simple misunderstanding. Not everyone looked up online dating strategies. They honestly may not realize that what they are doing is making people uncomfortable or adding unneeded tension to an environment. Chances are, if your girl is mentioning it, it’s probably something that has bothered other people too, so don’t think that this is necessarily just a clash of personalities either. There are certain things that are socially acceptable and certain things that are not. Women are going to be more socially aware in general anyway, and something that seems like an innocuous mistake to us may seem very threatening to them. So if she says she doesn’t want to hang out with your friends because they are not respecting her personal space, or they bring up personal topics that are just widely uncomfortable to her, take her at her word.
Have the Gumption to Talk with Your Friends
Ultimately, nothing has ever been fixed by just listening nicely. You still have to take some action for things to change. That action should not be giving up and dumping her just because she doesn’t immediately get along with your friends. If you really like her otherwise, she should be worth bringing up the issue. If your friends are really worth having, they should be willing to listen. That’s the basics of it. You really need to be prepared to stand your ground, however, since it can be tempting to side with them when speaking directly to them and not having her there to expand on things or defend her point. Don’t put her in that situation and make her points your own when you speak with them. If they did not realize she was uncomfortable, they should not be trying to throw it back on her, but rather looking to make her feel more comfortable around them. So a couple words with them asking them to stop whatever it is that makes her uncomfortable should not be enough to ruin any friendship worth keeping.